rainbows

on wednesdays i get to call in and talk with other missionaries who are raising support and preparing for the field. it's a great way to feel encouraged by people that are going through the same things i am. this week bill opened up the call by talking about rainbows in genesis 9. i immediately smiled as he began to read... i can't tell you how many times i have seen and talked about rainbows in the past two weeks, so the "coincidence" made me laugh.

"this is the sign of the covenant that i make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations. i have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth... when the bow is in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on earth."

while bill read this scripture, i kept thinking of another book i'm reading about living life to trust God and what that looks like. rainbows remind me that God has made a covenant with me and that He will provide for me, but i think i need to respond to that promise with trust in order to really benefit from it. if God promises to care for me, but then i try to put all my trust in myself, it's hard to experience the full blessing of his promise.

micah

yesterday i was playing the guitar (i don't do that often enough) and i sang micah 6:8. then i went to church and the same passage was read and then incorporated into the homily. i always think that God's calling my attention to something specific when things like that happen in a recurring manner. here's the scripture:

He has told you, o mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but do do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

such simple words to live by. i love simplicity. doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God are all part of honoring the greatest commandments--to love God and love our neighbors. this passage is what that looks like.

pilgrim heart

a few weeks ago i was sitting in my car reading, waiting for a meeting to start. i was contemplating whether to be a missionary when i started reading psalm 84. it pretty much sealed the deal. last week i was sitting in my car reading again before going to class (i read in the car a lot). i was feeling overwhelmed about what lies ahead before moving to benin when i read psalm 84 again. it hit the spot. i think i need to memorize this one. here are some parts...

"my soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." there are times when i'm so hungry for direction from God, i can actually feel it. like my soul could faint. it feels good to know the psalmist has been there too. i'm not alone when my heart cries out to God.

"even as the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself..." even though i'm about to be uprooted, i can trust that God will create a home for me.

"blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." ding ding ding! this is what i call confirmation. i think God loves our hearts, and mine is a pilgrim heart.

"blessed is the man who trusts in you." so, i make up my mind in that moment to trust. and i keep making up my mind to trust over and over again. it doesn't always come naturally, but it does come...

fra angelico

when i was in spain my sophomore year of college, my mom and i bought identical posters at el museo prado in madrid. she has always loved religious art and was a big fra angelico fan. i too was struck by fra angelico's annunciation as i stood before it. we both have his work framed and hanging on our walls... one of many things we share.

fra angelico was a painter and a friar. as a friar, he didn't profit personally from his masterpieces. he did what he did and used his talents for the glory of God alone. his paintings are one more way he was able to share a message, and continues to share that message today even after his death.

so i was looking at my poster of the virgin of the annunciation this morning, but somehow saw it differently. in the painting, on the left one sees in the background adam and eve leaving the garden of eden... the fall of man. in the foreground, one see the angel gabriel in the center speaking to mary on the right. one also sees the Holy Spirit descending on mary as a dove. in the past, i've always thought of this as two stories... the fall of man and the redemption of man. today, however, i see them as significantly integrated. it's not that we should choose to be less like adam and eve and more like mary. mary was human too. instead we should choose to allow God to use us in spite of (perhaps because of) our own humanness. adam and eve in the background are not a reminder of what not to be, they are a reminder of who we are. and yet God chooses to use us, knowing better than anyone who we really are. better than we know ourselves.

for me, this serves as a reminder that despite what i think of myself and the doubts that go along with that, God seems to think He can use me. it feels counter intuitive. it's a little scary. it's a call to trust God a lot more than i trust myself.

beloved

i read henri nouwen's "life of the beloved" again recently. i could say a lot on this, but for now i just want to highlight two passages.

the foundation for nouwen's premise is found in matthew 3:16-17, mark 1:10-11 and luke 3:21-22: "you are my Son, the Beloved; my favor rests on you." i absolutely love to think about the fact that i am God's beloved. it's similar to contemplating the fact that i'm created in God's image. i think i big part of that "image" is the desire to be in communion with each other, as i've mentioned before. i think God desires that we communicate with Him and each other in love. God communicates to me that i'm His beloved. at any point in time that i doubt myself, this is one unshakeable truth.

part of realizing one's own belovedness translates into a desire to share that with other people. nouwen writes to his friend, "the greatest gift my friendship can give to you is the gift of your Belovedness. i can give that gift only insofar as i have claimed it for myself." this rings so true for me. when i think about the people i love, of all the things i want to communicate to those people, their own belovedness is supreme. i'm often known to say, "i just want to love on people," or, "i just want to make people feel special..." i realize i risk sounding like the ultimate cheese ball, but it's so exciting to claim God's love for myself... how could i not share it with others? especially with those i love?

communion is cool

every once in a while, i get to assist with communion. i think this is one of the coolest things i can do at church. it's such an active and tangible way of blessing people, many whom i don't even know. last night was one of those nights, and it was especially cool because people were wearing name tags so i could say, "this is the blood of Christ shed for you, cathy." so personal. here is some of the liturgy used in communion...

"in the night in which He was betrayed, our Lord Jesus took bread and gave thanks; broke it and gave it to His disciples, saying: take and eat; this is my body, given for you. do this for the remembrance of Me. again, after supper, He took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it for all to drink, saying: this cup is the new covenant in My blood, shed for you and for all people for the forgiveness of sin. do this for the remembrance of Me. as we recall the one, perfect sacrifice for our redemption, Father, by your Holy Spirit, lead us to accept these gifts of your creation, that we as the body of Christ, may be united in love and charity."

and then, all these people with different lives and who knows what going on in their heads and hearts come forward to receive communion. to take the bread and drink the wine, to hear the words, "this is the body of Christ, broken for you... the blood of Christ, shed for you." it really is a unifying moment. not just in that small chapel, but everywhere people remember Christ in this way. the communion we take reminds us not only of our communion with one another, but most importantly our communion with God.

after receiving the communion, the pastor blesses the people saying, "the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you and keep you in His grace. amen." for me, this is a very real reminder that God is in me and God's light shines through me. so, yeah. i think communion is cool.

weeping & rejoicing

i'm reading in ezra about the rebuilding of the temple in jerusalem, and i'm struck by one verse that says, "no one could distinguish the sound of shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise." this is because while some rejoiced in the building of a new temple, others wept over the loss of that which came before. my footnote remarks that a babylonian cornerstone reads: "i started the work weeping, i finished it rejoicing." how applicable is that cornerstone to so many foundations in our lives. much of our work begins in tears and struggle, yet God completes work in us that both glorifies Him and causes us to rejoice. a rough start is not a bad thing. the end result and the journey therein bless the struggle that came before.

the armor of God

one of the lessons in church today reminded me of summer days at camp... paul tells the ephesians to put on the whole armor of God so they may stand firm against evil:

"stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. as shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. with all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." ephesians 6:14-17.

we can be deliberate and intentional about putting on the armor of God with the same visual aids i used with young campers. everyday we have an opportunity to meditate on these words as we get dressed and ready ourselves for what lies ahead. it may sound silly, but it's worth a shot. when putting on your belt (or pants or skirt, etc) remember to arm yourself with truth. while buttoning your shirt, meditate on what it means to have a breastplate of righteousness. as you tie your laces (or in my case, slip on your flip-flops), consider what it means to be ready to proclaim the gospel. a shield of faith may be a bit tough to envision, but very important. i think of my face as my shield as i put on sunscreen, which is also important, kinda. as you comb your hair, think about what it means to wear a helmet of salvation. for me, the rings i wear symbolize the sword of the Spirit. my two rings remind me of different verses i repeat daily since the sword is the word of God.

note too that most of these items are used for protection from evil, but the word of God is a weapon against evil. we can guard ourselves with truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation, but to fight evil we must carry the sword of the Spirit. we need the word of God written on our hearts and minds, thus we meditate on the scriptures. reading God's word regularly keeps our weapons sharp and our swords ready.

it is with this armor that paul encourages us to be bold.

rejoice

isaiah 62:5 says, "as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God rejoices over you." i've yet to be a bride so i can only imagine what it's like to be rejoiced over by a bridegroom. i do think it's something we all long for, though. who doesn't want to be celebrated, desired, chosen, rejoiced over? and one day perhaps i'll know this in an earthly relationship. but even that could not compare to being rejoiced over by God. people fail us. we fail each other. it's part of learning, living and loving. but God never fails. His love is sure and constant and never mistaken. His heart for us never changes. in monty python's words, "and there was much rejoicing... *yay*..."

ephesians 4:14-16

i felt God speaking directly to me in one of the lessons read at church today. paul writes to the ephesians:

"we must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people's trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. but speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love."

lots of people think lots of different things... and can even use the same bits of information to support their contrasting theories. people used scripture to justify slavery for years and years, and i believe they sincerely thought they were right. now the concept of Biblically supported slavery is completely foreign to us, it goes against our Biblical upbringing. it's hard to believe people could even use scripture to advocate something so wrong.

so how do we guard against being "tossed to and fro?" we draw nearer to God, "speaking the truth in love," which means we have to seek God's truth.

a tenor solo sang one of my favorite songs after we read the passage above. felix mendelssohn's music confirmed what God was calling me to do... "if with all your hearts ye truly seek me, ye shall ever surely find me. 'thus saith our God."

i'm going to lex to do some seeking.

happy holy sabbath

i've been thinking a lot about the sabbath lately. i had a few friends in college that kept the sabbath holy by doing no homework on sundays... at all. i never tried it, knowing i'd have trouble passing my classes. but i really believe that if you put God first, all other things fall into place. we used to demonstrate that at camp with a fish bowl, sand and ping pong balls. the ping pong balls represented God's stuff and the sand represented our stuff. if you fill the bowl with sand first, the ping pong balls don't fit. putting my stuff first leaves little room for God. but if we filled the fish bowl with ping pong balls first and then sand, the same amount of stuff that wouldn't fit before now fit perfectly. putting God first leaves room for all the other stuff i need to get done too.

so this week i "stumbled" across jeremiah 17:21-27. here's an excerpt from the passage:

"but if you are careful to obey me, declares the Lord, and bring no load through the gates of this city on the sabbath, but keep the sabbath day holy by not doing any work on it, then kings who sit on david's throne will come through the gates of this city with their officials."

when i'm thinking about something and then God brings it out in scripture, it's always confirmation the calling i perceive is actually real. in this case i believe God's message for me is clear: keep the sabbath holy and He will bless His ministry in my life and bring people though the city gates, expanding His territory.

school starts for me in less than a month. sundays are typically a big homework day, especially since i have little or no time to do homework during the week. this year i'm going to try keeping the sabbath holy, though. i feel it's something God has called me to do and i'm confident He'll make everything else in my life fit accordingly.

be still

the following story is toward the end of chapter 4 in mark:

when evening had come, Jesus said to the disciples, "let us go across to the other side." and leaving the crowd behind, they took Him with them in the boat, just as He was. other boats were with Him. a great wind storm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. but He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him up and said to Him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing? He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "peace! be still!" then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, "why are you afraid? have you still no faith?" and they were filled with great awe and said to one another, "who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?"

it's interesting that the people closest to Jesus, His own disciples, were afraid even in His very presence. and after Jesus stills the wind and waves His disciples turn to one another questioning His identity. if creation listens to Jesus and heeds His call, certainly we who have ears can likewise listen and respond.

pause

no phos posts until i return. God bless!

always love

"by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." john 13:35.

my prayer is to be known by my love and to be identified with Christ because of my love. what a fun responsibility.

think less, pray more

i think it's funny (perhaps interesting is a better word) how much we try to figure things out on our own. it's so easy to get caught up in our thoughts, overanalyze our emotions, the emotions of others, potential scenarios... and for what? of course, it's important to be thoughtful. i'm thinking as i write this. but there is such a thing as thinking too much, and for me it's often evidence of relying on myself too much and on God not enough. think of all the valuable time i could spend doing instead of thinking! when i catch myself thinking in circles, it's a pretty good indicator that i should take my concerns to God and leave them with Him. journaling helps me do this at the end of each day, but praying throughout the day is just as instrumental. paul tells us in philippians 4:6-7, "do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." i'm certainly not going to receive that kind of peace from myself... by just thinking. that kind of incomprehensible peace comes from God alone. i'm much better off talking to Him than talking to myself.

philippians 1

one of the passages read at church last night was philippians 1:3-6, "i thank my God every time i remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. i am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ." i remember the first time i really paid attention to these words, i was a freshman in college. one of my girlfriends wrote it down for me as a reminder of how thankful she was for our friendship and how she was praying for me constantly with joy. obviously paul's words and my friend's gesture meant a lot to me as i can remember both so clearly now. i think i probably thank God for my relationships more than anything else... the source of so much joy and so many blessings. the last part of the passage speaks to me for different reasons. in terms of pursuing dreams, these words pick me up when i'm discouraged, "the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion." if i truly believe that the dreams in my heart are placed there by God, that He has begun a good work in me, i can also be confident that He will bring it to completion. such a freeing feeling.

week 5

one of the phases we enter while pursuing dreams is "sanctuary," which is significant in two ways. sanctuaries are safe places. a bird sanctuary is a place where species can live and breed safely to protect their existence. in times of war, people would often run to church sanctuaries for protection. in churches, sanctuaries are where the congregation meets for fellowship and spiritual growth, but especially to communicate with God. so sanctuary in the context of pursuing dreams in similar. it's a place of spiritual renewal, protection, and communication with God. david describes this in psalm 23, "He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

when we draw nearer to God in sanctuary, His light surrounds us and shines through us. while this illumination is exciting, just to be in His presence, it's also very telling. the contrast between God's light and the darkness in us is more real than ever. what we see in ourselves can make us uncomfortable. but God sees all that we see too, and yet he calls us to come closer still. and He can take away the darkness, making more room for His light to shine in us and through us. john 3:30 says, "He must increase, but i must decrease."

it is during this time of close communion with God that we are reminded our dreams are His, that He has placed them on our hearts. though we may be tempted to make our dreams our own, it's important to surrender our dreams to God. this is not a one time surrender, but something we have to do regularly to ensure God really is first in our lives.

week 4

sometimes we face periods of immense trial. we feel alone and deserted and have trouble seeing God's blessings in our lives. we may become so discouraged that we are tempted to leave behind the dream God has planted in our hearts, but times of trial can be seasons of preparation. james 1:2-4 says, "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything." i love the word perseverance. it goes far beyond endurance. it's moving forward. it's purposeful.

wilkerson brings up two points in the dream giver that make me a little nervous. he says big challenges make leaders dynamic. i agree. i don't think you have to have had the worst trials ever in order to be the most dynamic leader, but i think challenges can be opportunities to glorify God later (or even at that moment). this concept is comforting while in the midst of trials, at least for me. but it's a little intimidating for me when everything is hunky dory. it's like, uh oh... if i want to be a great leader, what will i have to face next? yikes! the other point is that we are most likely to be tested in the areas of faith we struggle with the most. i've seen evidence of this in my life for sure. when i hesitate to do what i feel God is calling me to do, it's frequently because i fear what others will think of me. this is the area i've been tested in the most lately, even now. it's frustrating to have to face the same hurdle over and over again. i'm constantly asking why. but each time i persevere i can feel God's strength welling up inside me and the confidence and wisdom and resolve that come with that.

so in the midst of trials, i really can be full of joy. the future is bright.

recap

one of the things i'd like to chronicle on this blog is what we're reading for a Bible study i'm in with an amazing group of women. we're currently reading the dream giver by bruce wilkerson, which happens to fit well with visioneering by andy stanley (a book city lights is reading). here's a recap of what we've discussed the past 3 weeks.

week 1:
sometimes we discover a big dream that God has placed on our hearts, but then we're tempted to think that it's too big for us. at least, i feel that way at times. God will show me something and i'll be like, 'really? me? are you sure??' but God created me as a unique person because i have a unique role to play in His bigger plans. my big dream is part of something larger. i may not know the details of my dream yet, but knowing that it's from God is motivation enough to pursue it. psalm 139:6 says, "in your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed." God knows what he's up to. i believe that. philippians 3:12 says, "not that i have already... reached the goal; but i press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." God has placed dreams in my heart, but it's up to me to seek Him and claim those dreams for His glory. i haven't reached the goal yet. i don't see the big picture. but i can put one foot in front of the other, trusting that God has created a path for me.

week 2:
sometimes, in order to do what we are most passionate about, we have to face that which we most dread. this is true of me. my greatest desire is to minister to God's people through love, to be one of His lights in the world. my greatest fear is what people might think of me. to follow the desires of my heart, i'll have to face my fears. courage is choosing to act in spite of fear. 1 corinthians 1:27-29 says, "but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, so that no one might boast in the presence of God." this passage speaks to me in two ways. first it reminds me that though i am small (or at least feel that way), God can use me for big things. secondly, this paradox is precisely what brings God glory because it speaks to His presence and power in the situation. can i do my big dream alone? no. can i do it with God's help? yes. so His is the glory.

week 3:
when we face our fears, we break out of our comfort zones. it's interesting, because my comfort zone expands each time i break out of it. moving to baltimore knowing only one person was totally scary for me, a country bumpkin. (no, i don't really think of myself that way, but stick with me). now i'm very at home here. comfortable even. i've expanded my borders. but these actions and decisions we make to pursue our dreams may threaten others' comfort zones as well, causing them to discourage us from moving forward. in times like this, it's good to listen to the concerns of those who love us, but ultimately we have to choose who we will follow. galatians 1:10 says, "am i now seeking human approval or God's approval? or am i trying to please people? if i were still pleasing people, i would not be a servant of Christ." i know i'm a people pleaser. but my desire to please God is greater, so i need to make choices that reflect that. as the minister i heard sunday put it, "i have an audience of One."

salt and light

God is light, but He calls us to be light too... and salt. in chapter 5 of matthew, verses 13 and 14, Jesus tells the crowds, "you are the salt of the earth... you are the light of the world." were the people Jesus spoke to really living as the salt and light of the world? probably not. Jesus spoke to humanity, the good and the bad. but Jesus could see something in these people and He sees something in us as well. it is our potential. in calling the people salt and light, He was not evaluating them but encouraging them. He was speaking to their potential, and ours as well. "you are the light of the world..." this is what we are called to be. and we're capable of answering and living that call. if God sees the potential there, then it's there... we are created in His image. have faith in the potential God has granted you... be light of the world.

and just as God sees potential in us and calls it out, we can encourage one another to realize the potential granted us. this doesn't mean we should go around telling people what we think they should be or take one another on as projects. but we can speak to one another and treat one another with the potential we see in one another in mind. we can reflect back the light we see in our friends so that they may see their own light as well.

"treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming."
~goethe