just realized it's the last day of november and i've posted nothing on phos... so i'll share something i wrote in an email yesterday for the sake of time. and because it really has me thinking.
okay. i'm reading a book by jeanne guyon, written in the late 17th century, titled "experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ." it was sent to me by two dear friends, ron and ruth, who provide pastoral care to yfc missionaries. they visited me in october, and sent this book upon their return to washington. when i was seemingly (and perhaps truly) in the depths of despair last week, r&r asked if i had read the book they sent. i immediately snatched it up, reaching for anything to touch my hardening heart.
it's really a simple book. it's meant to be especially useful to the uneducated and illiterate. i know, a book for the illiterate... but it could be read aloud. anyway, it's short. but i'm reading slowly. really slowly. this morning i read about abandonment, and came across something i'm not totally comfortable with. it's good to get uncomfortable... it's how we grow...
here's the passage: "remember, you must never blame man for anything. no matter what happens, it was neither man nor circumstances that brought it. you must accept everything (except, of course, your own sinfulness) as having come from your Lord."
hmm.
i mean, i'm all for abandonment, though it doesn't come easily. something to be learned again every day. and boy, is it freeing! but to say that all things, even bad things, come from God? except my own sin... but what about another's sin? what about when someone sins against me? of course God can use that, and has used that, and does use that... but to say that that too is from God? maybe i'm misunderstanding the passage.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
simple
i have a song stuck in my head back from the days of church camp. the chorus goes like this… “teach me simple things. help me understand. take me by my hand, and teach me simple things.”
i’ve been reflecting on how much easier it is to appreciate the simple things here in africa (especially the past couple of days i’ve spent in the village) and how God teaches us through simplicity. i think as i’m realizing the Source of every simple blessing, i loose some of the vanity that comes with the more complex (or contrived) activities and accumulations. when looking at the complex, i can attribute some aspects of “greatness” to myself, forgetting that everything has a simple beginning, and that God is responsible for the most elemental details.
another song come to mind: “tis the gift to be simple, tis the gift to be free, tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. and when we find ourselves in the place just right, t’will be in the valley of love and delight. when true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we shant be ashamed. to turn, turn, will be our delight; till by turning, turning, we come round right.”
i’ve been reflecting on how much easier it is to appreciate the simple things here in africa (especially the past couple of days i’ve spent in the village) and how God teaches us through simplicity. i think as i’m realizing the Source of every simple blessing, i loose some of the vanity that comes with the more complex (or contrived) activities and accumulations. when looking at the complex, i can attribute some aspects of “greatness” to myself, forgetting that everything has a simple beginning, and that God is responsible for the most elemental details.
another song come to mind: “tis the gift to be simple, tis the gift to be free, tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. and when we find ourselves in the place just right, t’will be in the valley of love and delight. when true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we shant be ashamed. to turn, turn, will be our delight; till by turning, turning, we come round right.”
Monday, October 08, 2007
little faith
every sunday, most of the missionaries and other christian expats get together for english fellowship. yesterday we were talking about the story of Jesus walking on water, and peter walking out to meet Him, then sinking in his fear (matthew 14:22-33). someone made the statement that when Jesus says to peter, “you of little faith, why did you doubt?” that He’s pointing out peter’s self doubt. peter doesn’t doubt Jesus, as Jesus is still standing there on the water… what’s to doubt? but peter doubts himself and God in him.
i’d never looked at the story that way, and i need to reflect on it more… but it certainly resonates with my experience. how often do i doubt the greatness God has called me to, even in the face of His deeds in my life and the world around me? when i think i’m not capable of doing what asks, i’m doubting myself, yes… but doubting God simultaneously as i doubt His ability to make me great or do great things through little me. so self doubt isn’t so much humility as it is disobedience with a scapegoat.
hmm. interesting.
i’d never looked at the story that way, and i need to reflect on it more… but it certainly resonates with my experience. how often do i doubt the greatness God has called me to, even in the face of His deeds in my life and the world around me? when i think i’m not capable of doing what asks, i’m doubting myself, yes… but doubting God simultaneously as i doubt His ability to make me great or do great things through little me. so self doubt isn’t so much humility as it is disobedience with a scapegoat.
hmm. interesting.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
time capsule
i write a lot. blog postings are probably 1/20 of what i write in any given day, not including writing stuff for work. i have a journal on my computer and two journals that i write to God in… one stays by my bed, the other in whatever bag i’m carrying around with me at any given time.
i’m almost finished with the journal that currently lives by my bed. i started it in july of 2006 on my way to pakistan. this morning i read through all the entries up till this date a year ago. i was kinda afraid of what i might find, knowing some of those days would describe heartache i’d rather not re-live, but i was surprised to find that even the heartache was laced with large doses of hope and expectation. i thought i’d publish a few excerpts here.
july 11, 2006, “When Farhan’s mother prays, I feel as if our hearts are connected and we are speaking to You together. I love all the rituals and ceremonies that make this marriage so sacred. I want my own marriage to be as focused on You; an act of worship.” the women in farhan’s family prayed so much for his marriage, it was touching.
july 13, 2006, “Thank you for giving me such a loving family and supportive friends. I pray for Mike—bless our relationship and shape our hearts to reflect your will only. Lord, I love you.” i still thank God for family and friends, and God definitely worked on Mike’s and my hearts to make room for His will.
july 14, 2006, “Lord, I pray that I would learn what is in Your heart for me while I am here and that I would be ready for the life you have prepared for me.” it’s while i was in pakistan that i started feeling more called to missions abroad.
july 29, 2006, “Lord, I pray that you would bless Paige ad me with a roommate that will bless this house.” anne marie was one of the best blessings all year! i can’t imagine life last year without her living down the hall.
august 9, 2006, “So Lord, here is my dream. I don’t know why You want it back since You gave it to me in the first place, but I trust You to bless me in my obedience. Since this is what You want, I ask You to grant me the strength and courage to do so.” this had to do with a relationship, and i do think the end result is greater than that which i had to let go of.
august 14, 2006, “I feel You calling me to the Church, and I pray you would show me more fully what that means and grant me a job that fulfills my desire to serve You and love Your people. These days I’m almost scared to pray for an amazing life, but it is my desire.” indeed. look at where that got me!
august 21, 2006, “I think sometime we’ll laugh together.” ha!
september 10, 2006, “Lord, I pray to you about Africa. Lord, if this is your will, I pray that you would open doors and confirm my every step so that I am walking with You.” i wrote this before i even interviewed with yfc.
september 26, 2006, “Lord, I pray that you would give me clear indicators regarding YFC and Benin specifically. Sometimes I feel discouraged, but I know that doesn’t negate the possibility of me serving there. I pray that You would make the decision in my heart.” yep, that’s what i was praying exactly a year ago today. wow.
i’m almost finished with the journal that currently lives by my bed. i started it in july of 2006 on my way to pakistan. this morning i read through all the entries up till this date a year ago. i was kinda afraid of what i might find, knowing some of those days would describe heartache i’d rather not re-live, but i was surprised to find that even the heartache was laced with large doses of hope and expectation. i thought i’d publish a few excerpts here.
july 11, 2006, “When Farhan’s mother prays, I feel as if our hearts are connected and we are speaking to You together. I love all the rituals and ceremonies that make this marriage so sacred. I want my own marriage to be as focused on You; an act of worship.” the women in farhan’s family prayed so much for his marriage, it was touching.
july 13, 2006, “Thank you for giving me such a loving family and supportive friends. I pray for Mike—bless our relationship and shape our hearts to reflect your will only. Lord, I love you.” i still thank God for family and friends, and God definitely worked on Mike’s and my hearts to make room for His will.
july 14, 2006, “Lord, I pray that I would learn what is in Your heart for me while I am here and that I would be ready for the life you have prepared for me.” it’s while i was in pakistan that i started feeling more called to missions abroad.
july 29, 2006, “Lord, I pray that you would bless Paige ad me with a roommate that will bless this house.” anne marie was one of the best blessings all year! i can’t imagine life last year without her living down the hall.
august 9, 2006, “So Lord, here is my dream. I don’t know why You want it back since You gave it to me in the first place, but I trust You to bless me in my obedience. Since this is what You want, I ask You to grant me the strength and courage to do so.” this had to do with a relationship, and i do think the end result is greater than that which i had to let go of.
august 14, 2006, “I feel You calling me to the Church, and I pray you would show me more fully what that means and grant me a job that fulfills my desire to serve You and love Your people. These days I’m almost scared to pray for an amazing life, but it is my desire.” indeed. look at where that got me!
august 21, 2006, “I think sometime we’ll laugh together.” ha!
september 10, 2006, “Lord, I pray to you about Africa. Lord, if this is your will, I pray that you would open doors and confirm my every step so that I am walking with You.” i wrote this before i even interviewed with yfc.
september 26, 2006, “Lord, I pray that you would give me clear indicators regarding YFC and Benin specifically. Sometimes I feel discouraged, but I know that doesn’t negate the possibility of me serving there. I pray that You would make the decision in my heart.” yep, that’s what i was praying exactly a year ago today. wow.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
1 corinthians
while i was in colorado this summer, i came to the realization that i had given the bible considerably little time and thought compared to the numerous works i’ve read for st. john’s and beyond. when i do read the bible, i typically pay attention to what makes me feel good, and steer clear of the rest. why? so i’ve set out to do a more thorough reading of the bible. reading whole books at once instead of excerpts, noting what makes me feel good or uncomfortable or confused. asking questions. re-reading. it gives me lots to think about.
here are some thoughts on 1 corinthians.
“has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?... for the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom.” (1:20, 25). certainly, yes. i encounter this in myself and with my more intellectual friends. faith does seem foolish at times, which is part of what makes it faith. if everything made sense, there would be no room for wonder, mystery, God.
chapters 5 and 6 are troubling to me. paul says to condemn the sexually immoral person in their group (he’s referring to a man who took his mother as a bride) and to not even share a meal with him. it’s a pretty hard line. he seems to change his tune a bit in 2 corinthians, though, which i’ll touch on later.
“i have become all things to all men so that by all possible means i might save some.” (9:22). paul is talking about how he meets people where they are, much like Jesus did. he says more about this, and there’s much to be learned from it, i think.
God always gives me a way out of temptation (10:15)… whether i chose to accept that way is up to me, though.
chapter 13, the famous love chapter. one of my friends used to get annoyed when chapter 13 was read at weddings, since the context of the chapter is actually dissention among the corinthians, not the harmony a marriage ceremony is to represent. he was encouraged, though, when a minister actually addressed that truth during the wedding. perhaps acknowledging the context of the passage actually makes it that much more appropriate to a marriage with its ups and downs. regardless, i think this definition of love is beautiful. “and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.”
here are some thoughts on 1 corinthians.
“has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?... for the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom.” (1:20, 25). certainly, yes. i encounter this in myself and with my more intellectual friends. faith does seem foolish at times, which is part of what makes it faith. if everything made sense, there would be no room for wonder, mystery, God.
chapters 5 and 6 are troubling to me. paul says to condemn the sexually immoral person in their group (he’s referring to a man who took his mother as a bride) and to not even share a meal with him. it’s a pretty hard line. he seems to change his tune a bit in 2 corinthians, though, which i’ll touch on later.
“i have become all things to all men so that by all possible means i might save some.” (9:22). paul is talking about how he meets people where they are, much like Jesus did. he says more about this, and there’s much to be learned from it, i think.
God always gives me a way out of temptation (10:15)… whether i chose to accept that way is up to me, though.
chapter 13, the famous love chapter. one of my friends used to get annoyed when chapter 13 was read at weddings, since the context of the chapter is actually dissention among the corinthians, not the harmony a marriage ceremony is to represent. he was encouraged, though, when a minister actually addressed that truth during the wedding. perhaps acknowledging the context of the passage actually makes it that much more appropriate to a marriage with its ups and downs. regardless, i think this definition of love is beautiful. “and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.”
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
why abiding is important
it's been ages since i've posted on phos. it really does require making time, but being intentional is good. something i need to work on.
one reason abiding with Christ in God's love is important is because it's how God speaks to us. here's a passage on guidance i'm copying from e. stanley jones' abundant living. lorraine lent me the book. this a long and a good read...
told you it was long. but really... wouldn't spending time in the intentionally conscious presence of God make it easier to be guided? i mean, God is omni-present, but we're not omni-aware. intentional abiding is what's needed.
and i love the room for creativity.
one reason abiding with Christ in God's love is important is because it's how God speaks to us. here's a passage on guidance i'm copying from e. stanley jones' abundant living. lorraine lent me the book. this a long and a good read...
if guidance gives to life a sense of mission and the sense of accountability every moment, then how does God guide us?
i suppose the great problem to God is how to guide us and not override us. He must guide us and develop us as persons at the same time. to lead us and at the same time produce initiative in us is a task worthy of divine wisdom. that task is the problem of every thinking parent. many parents are benevolent tyrants, snuffing out initiative and personality. guidance must be such that each person is guided into a free, self-choosing, creative personality.
to do this God will guide in many ways, awakening the personality to aliveness and alertness of mind and spirit to His hidden leadings. God's leadings should be sufficiently obvious to be found, but not so obvious as to do away with the necessity of thought and discriminating insight. they must be "an open secret"--open, yet sufficiently secret to make us dig.
God will guide us in one or more or all of these ways: (1) He gives general guidance through the character and person of Christ. Christ lets us know what God is like, and, therefore, what we must be like. (2) He guides us through the collective experience of the Church--the corporate wisdom gathered through the ages. (3) He guides through the counsel for good people. (4) He guides through opening providences--matching us against some opening opportunity or need. (5) He guides through natural law and its discoveries through science. (6) He guides through a heightened moral intelligence and insight--we become personalities who are capable of exercising sound moral judgments. (7) He guides us through the direct voice of the Spirit within us--He speaks to us in unmistakable terms in the depths of our being.
the probabilities are that God will guide us in more than one of these ways, lest one method narrow us.
told you it was long. but really... wouldn't spending time in the intentionally conscious presence of God make it easier to be guided? i mean, God is omni-present, but we're not omni-aware. intentional abiding is what's needed.
and i love the room for creativity.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
casting cares
1 pierre 5:6-7
"humiliez-vous donc sous la puisante main de Dieu, afin qu'Il vous eleve en temps voulu. dechargez-vous sure lui de tous vos soucis, car Il prend soin de vous."
1 peter 5:6-7
"humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. cast all you anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
the greek for cast is "to hurl" which is pretty strong. how often do we cast our cares on God? i tend to hand them over gingerly. i think maybe i'm afraid to hurl them for fear of not being able to pick them back up later. like i'm comfortable with my cares. i want them close by sometimes because i've come to know them so well. but gosh, it's heavy at times. and surely God can care for them better than i. and surely there are better things for me to get cozy with.
practice casting.
"humiliez-vous donc sous la puisante main de Dieu, afin qu'Il vous eleve en temps voulu. dechargez-vous sure lui de tous vos soucis, car Il prend soin de vous."
1 peter 5:6-7
"humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. cast all you anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
the greek for cast is "to hurl" which is pretty strong. how often do we cast our cares on God? i tend to hand them over gingerly. i think maybe i'm afraid to hurl them for fear of not being able to pick them back up later. like i'm comfortable with my cares. i want them close by sometimes because i've come to know them so well. but gosh, it's heavy at times. and surely God can care for them better than i. and surely there are better things for me to get cozy with.
practice casting.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
serenity
i never update phos at work, but i have a few minutes to kill before i head to class, and i'm reading the serenity prayer (it's on a note card on my desk so i can look at it frequently). most people just refer to the first part, but the prayer in it's entirety is quite special, so i'll share.
i'd say that sums it up...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
living on day at at time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as i would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if i surrender to his will;
that i may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
amen.
~reinhold niebuhr
i'd say that sums it up...
Thursday, March 29, 2007
what? i'm angry?
i tend to think of myself as a very easy going, not angry, pretty forgiving person. i'm a people pleaser. and getting angry doesn't please people too much. but recently i've found that i've been harboring some anger, without even knowing what or who i've been angry about. i have a tendency to gloss over hurt rather than dealing with it.
but this doesn't lend itself to forgiveness at all... in order to forgive, i first have to acknowledge the hurt and walk through the accompanying feelings. i don't need to lash out, but i don't need to ignore my feelings either.
so don't let the sun go down on your anger (ephesians 4:26), but do let yourself realize your anger so you can forgive.
but this doesn't lend itself to forgiveness at all... in order to forgive, i first have to acknowledge the hurt and walk through the accompanying feelings. i don't need to lash out, but i don't need to ignore my feelings either.
so don't let the sun go down on your anger (ephesians 4:26), but do let yourself realize your anger so you can forgive.
Friday, January 26, 2007
give love
considering the hard time i give my friends for not updating their blogs, it's a shame i haven't posted on phos in nearly two months. perhaps it's because this blog is primarily for my own spiritual growth, and i've lately taken to other activities to further the development of my faith. nonetheless, i appreciate how phos is a chronicle of what has spoken to me at different times, and to that end i want to keep it current.
one of the books i've been reading of late is henri nouwen's "the spirituality of fund-raising." a friend of mine tipped me off on this book, and i'm very grateful. what i like about this book is it frames fund-raising in the context of love, which is very much how i'm wired. the first page of the book says, "make love your aim" (1 corinthians 14:1) and the last page of the book says, "love never ends" (1 corinthians 13:8). here are some of the things nouwen says about giving:
it's all about the love.
one of the books i've been reading of late is henri nouwen's "the spirituality of fund-raising." a friend of mine tipped me off on this book, and i'm very grateful. what i like about this book is it frames fund-raising in the context of love, which is very much how i'm wired. the first page of the book says, "make love your aim" (1 corinthians 14:1) and the last page of the book says, "love never ends" (1 corinthians 13:8). here are some of the things nouwen says about giving:
those who need money and those who can give money meed on the common ground of God's love.there's a lot more that he says a lot better than i could ever say. his words are helpful to me, not because they tell me what to do, but because they remind me that my primary purpose is to love... that is why i am asking others for support (to take my love to benin) and it is how i should ask others for support (loving those i come into contact with).
asking people for money is giving them the opportunity to put their resources at the disposal of the Kingdom.
people have such a need for friendship and for community that fund-raising has to be community-building.
it's all about the love.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
rainbows
on wednesdays i get to call in and talk with other missionaries who are raising support and preparing for the field. it's a great way to feel encouraged by people that are going through the same things i am. this week bill opened up the call by talking about rainbows in genesis 9. i immediately smiled as he began to read... i can't tell you how many times i have seen and talked about rainbows in the past two weeks, so the "coincidence" made me laugh.
"this is the sign of the covenant that i make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations. i have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth... when the bow is in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on earth."
while bill read this scripture, i kept thinking of another book i'm reading about living life to trust God and what that looks like. rainbows remind me that God has made a covenant with me and that He will provide for me, but i think i need to respond to that promise with trust in order to really benefit from it. if God promises to care for me, but then i try to put all my trust in myself, it's hard to experience the full blessing of his promise.
"this is the sign of the covenant that i make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations. i have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth... when the bow is in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on earth."
while bill read this scripture, i kept thinking of another book i'm reading about living life to trust God and what that looks like. rainbows remind me that God has made a covenant with me and that He will provide for me, but i think i need to respond to that promise with trust in order to really benefit from it. if God promises to care for me, but then i try to put all my trust in myself, it's hard to experience the full blessing of his promise.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
micah
yesterday i was playing the guitar (i don't do that often enough) and i sang micah 6:8. then i went to church and the same passage was read and then incorporated into the homily. i always think that God's calling my attention to something specific when things like that happen in a recurring manner. here's the scripture:
He has told you, o mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but do do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
such simple words to live by. i love simplicity. doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God are all part of honoring the greatest commandments--to love God and love our neighbors. this passage is what that looks like.
He has told you, o mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but do do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
such simple words to live by. i love simplicity. doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God are all part of honoring the greatest commandments--to love God and love our neighbors. this passage is what that looks like.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
pilgrim heart
a few weeks ago i was sitting in my car reading, waiting for a meeting to start. i was contemplating whether to be a missionary when i started reading psalm 84. it pretty much sealed the deal. last week i was sitting in my car reading again before going to class (i read in the car a lot). i was feeling overwhelmed about what lies ahead before moving to benin when i read psalm 84 again. it hit the spot. i think i need to memorize this one. here are some parts...
"my soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." there are times when i'm so hungry for direction from God, i can actually feel it. like my soul could faint. it feels good to know the psalmist has been there too. i'm not alone when my heart cries out to God.
"even as the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself..." even though i'm about to be uprooted, i can trust that God will create a home for me.
"blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." ding ding ding! this is what i call confirmation. i think God loves our hearts, and mine is a pilgrim heart.
"blessed is the man who trusts in you." so, i make up my mind in that moment to trust. and i keep making up my mind to trust over and over again. it doesn't always come naturally, but it does come...
"my soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." there are times when i'm so hungry for direction from God, i can actually feel it. like my soul could faint. it feels good to know the psalmist has been there too. i'm not alone when my heart cries out to God.
"even as the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself..." even though i'm about to be uprooted, i can trust that God will create a home for me.
"blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." ding ding ding! this is what i call confirmation. i think God loves our hearts, and mine is a pilgrim heart.
"blessed is the man who trusts in you." so, i make up my mind in that moment to trust. and i keep making up my mind to trust over and over again. it doesn't always come naturally, but it does come...
Monday, October 09, 2006
fra angelico
when i was in spain my sophomore year of college, my mom and i bought identical posters at el museo prado in madrid. she has always loved religious art and was a big fra angelico fan. i too was struck by fra angelico's annunciation as i stood before it. we both have his work framed and hanging on our walls... one of many things we share.
fra angelico was a painter and a friar. as a friar, he didn't profit personally from his masterpieces. he did what he did and used his talents for the glory of God alone. his paintings are one more way he was able to share a message, and continues to share that message today even after his death.
so i was looking at my poster of the virgin of the annunciation this morning, but somehow saw it differently. in the painting, on the left one sees in the background adam and eve leaving the garden of eden... the fall of man. in the foreground, one see the angel gabriel in the center speaking to mary on the right. one also sees the Holy Spirit descending on mary as a dove. in the past, i've always thought of this as two stories... the fall of man and the redemption of man. today, however, i see them as significantly integrated. it's not that we should choose to be less like adam and eve and more like mary. mary was human too. instead we should choose to allow God to use us in spite of (perhaps because of) our own humanness. adam and eve in the background are not a reminder of what not to be, they are a reminder of who we are. and yet God chooses to use us, knowing better than anyone who we really are. better than we know ourselves.
for me, this serves as a reminder that despite what i think of myself and the doubts that go along with that, God seems to think He can use me. it feels counter intuitive. it's a little scary. it's a call to trust God a lot more than i trust myself.
fra angelico was a painter and a friar. as a friar, he didn't profit personally from his masterpieces. he did what he did and used his talents for the glory of God alone. his paintings are one more way he was able to share a message, and continues to share that message today even after his death.
so i was looking at my poster of the virgin of the annunciation this morning, but somehow saw it differently. in the painting, on the left one sees in the background adam and eve leaving the garden of eden... the fall of man. in the foreground, one see the angel gabriel in the center speaking to mary on the right. one also sees the Holy Spirit descending on mary as a dove. in the past, i've always thought of this as two stories... the fall of man and the redemption of man. today, however, i see them as significantly integrated. it's not that we should choose to be less like adam and eve and more like mary. mary was human too. instead we should choose to allow God to use us in spite of (perhaps because of) our own humanness. adam and eve in the background are not a reminder of what not to be, they are a reminder of who we are. and yet God chooses to use us, knowing better than anyone who we really are. better than we know ourselves.
for me, this serves as a reminder that despite what i think of myself and the doubts that go along with that, God seems to think He can use me. it feels counter intuitive. it's a little scary. it's a call to trust God a lot more than i trust myself.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
beloved
i read henri nouwen's "life of the beloved" again recently. i could say a lot on this, but for now i just want to highlight two passages.
the foundation for nouwen's premise is found in matthew 3:16-17, mark 1:10-11 and luke 3:21-22: "you are my Son, the Beloved; my favor rests on you." i absolutely love to think about the fact that i am God's beloved. it's similar to contemplating the fact that i'm created in God's image. i think i big part of that "image" is the desire to be in communion with each other, as i've mentioned before. i think God desires that we communicate with Him and each other in love. God communicates to me that i'm His beloved. at any point in time that i doubt myself, this is one unshakeable truth.
part of realizing one's own belovedness translates into a desire to share that with other people. nouwen writes to his friend, "the greatest gift my friendship can give to you is the gift of your Belovedness. i can give that gift only insofar as i have claimed it for myself." this rings so true for me. when i think about the people i love, of all the things i want to communicate to those people, their own belovedness is supreme. i'm often known to say, "i just want to love on people," or, "i just want to make people feel special..." i realize i risk sounding like the ultimate cheese ball, but it's so exciting to claim God's love for myself... how could i not share it with others? especially with those i love?
the foundation for nouwen's premise is found in matthew 3:16-17, mark 1:10-11 and luke 3:21-22: "you are my Son, the Beloved; my favor rests on you." i absolutely love to think about the fact that i am God's beloved. it's similar to contemplating the fact that i'm created in God's image. i think i big part of that "image" is the desire to be in communion with each other, as i've mentioned before. i think God desires that we communicate with Him and each other in love. God communicates to me that i'm His beloved. at any point in time that i doubt myself, this is one unshakeable truth.
part of realizing one's own belovedness translates into a desire to share that with other people. nouwen writes to his friend, "the greatest gift my friendship can give to you is the gift of your Belovedness. i can give that gift only insofar as i have claimed it for myself." this rings so true for me. when i think about the people i love, of all the things i want to communicate to those people, their own belovedness is supreme. i'm often known to say, "i just want to love on people," or, "i just want to make people feel special..." i realize i risk sounding like the ultimate cheese ball, but it's so exciting to claim God's love for myself... how could i not share it with others? especially with those i love?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
communion is cool
every once in a while, i get to assist with communion. i think this is one of the coolest things i can do at church. it's such an active and tangible way of blessing people, many whom i don't even know. last night was one of those nights, and it was especially cool because people were wearing name tags so i could say, "this is the blood of Christ shed for you, cathy." so personal. here is some of the liturgy used in communion...
"in the night in which He was betrayed, our Lord Jesus took bread and gave thanks; broke it and gave it to His disciples, saying: take and eat; this is my body, given for you. do this for the remembrance of Me. again, after supper, He took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it for all to drink, saying: this cup is the new covenant in My blood, shed for you and for all people for the forgiveness of sin. do this for the remembrance of Me. as we recall the one, perfect sacrifice for our redemption, Father, by your Holy Spirit, lead us to accept these gifts of your creation, that we as the body of Christ, may be united in love and charity."
and then, all these people with different lives and who knows what going on in their heads and hearts come forward to receive communion. to take the bread and drink the wine, to hear the words, "this is the body of Christ, broken for you... the blood of Christ, shed for you." it really is a unifying moment. not just in that small chapel, but everywhere people remember Christ in this way. the communion we take reminds us not only of our communion with one another, but most importantly our communion with God.
after receiving the communion, the pastor blesses the people saying, "the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you and keep you in His grace. amen." for me, this is a very real reminder that God is in me and God's light shines through me. so, yeah. i think communion is cool.
"in the night in which He was betrayed, our Lord Jesus took bread and gave thanks; broke it and gave it to His disciples, saying: take and eat; this is my body, given for you. do this for the remembrance of Me. again, after supper, He took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it for all to drink, saying: this cup is the new covenant in My blood, shed for you and for all people for the forgiveness of sin. do this for the remembrance of Me. as we recall the one, perfect sacrifice for our redemption, Father, by your Holy Spirit, lead us to accept these gifts of your creation, that we as the body of Christ, may be united in love and charity."
and then, all these people with different lives and who knows what going on in their heads and hearts come forward to receive communion. to take the bread and drink the wine, to hear the words, "this is the body of Christ, broken for you... the blood of Christ, shed for you." it really is a unifying moment. not just in that small chapel, but everywhere people remember Christ in this way. the communion we take reminds us not only of our communion with one another, but most importantly our communion with God.
after receiving the communion, the pastor blesses the people saying, "the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you and keep you in His grace. amen." for me, this is a very real reminder that God is in me and God's light shines through me. so, yeah. i think communion is cool.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
weeping & rejoicing
i'm reading in ezra about the rebuilding of the temple in jerusalem, and i'm struck by one verse that says, "no one could distinguish the sound of shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise." this is because while some rejoiced in the building of a new temple, others wept over the loss of that which came before. my footnote remarks that a babylonian cornerstone reads: "i started the work weeping, i finished it rejoicing." how applicable is that cornerstone to so many foundations in our lives. much of our work begins in tears and struggle, yet God completes work in us that both glorifies Him and causes us to rejoice. a rough start is not a bad thing. the end result and the journey therein bless the struggle that came before.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
the armor of God
one of the lessons in church today reminded me of summer days at camp... paul tells the ephesians to put on the whole armor of God so they may stand firm against evil:
"stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. as shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. with all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." ephesians 6:14-17.
we can be deliberate and intentional about putting on the armor of God with the same visual aids i used with young campers. everyday we have an opportunity to meditate on these words as we get dressed and ready ourselves for what lies ahead. it may sound silly, but it's worth a shot. when putting on your belt (or pants or skirt, etc) remember to arm yourself with truth. while buttoning your shirt, meditate on what it means to have a breastplate of righteousness. as you tie your laces (or in my case, slip on your flip-flops), consider what it means to be ready to proclaim the gospel. a shield of faith may be a bit tough to envision, but very important. i think of my face as my shield as i put on sunscreen, which is also important, kinda. as you comb your hair, think about what it means to wear a helmet of salvation. for me, the rings i wear symbolize the sword of the Spirit. my two rings remind me of different verses i repeat daily since the sword is the word of God.
note too that most of these items are used for protection from evil, but the word of God is a weapon against evil. we can guard ourselves with truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation, but to fight evil we must carry the sword of the Spirit. we need the word of God written on our hearts and minds, thus we meditate on the scriptures. reading God's word regularly keeps our weapons sharp and our swords ready.
it is with this armor that paul encourages us to be bold.
"stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. as shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. with all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." ephesians 6:14-17.
we can be deliberate and intentional about putting on the armor of God with the same visual aids i used with young campers. everyday we have an opportunity to meditate on these words as we get dressed and ready ourselves for what lies ahead. it may sound silly, but it's worth a shot. when putting on your belt (or pants or skirt, etc) remember to arm yourself with truth. while buttoning your shirt, meditate on what it means to have a breastplate of righteousness. as you tie your laces (or in my case, slip on your flip-flops), consider what it means to be ready to proclaim the gospel. a shield of faith may be a bit tough to envision, but very important. i think of my face as my shield as i put on sunscreen, which is also important, kinda. as you comb your hair, think about what it means to wear a helmet of salvation. for me, the rings i wear symbolize the sword of the Spirit. my two rings remind me of different verses i repeat daily since the sword is the word of God.
note too that most of these items are used for protection from evil, but the word of God is a weapon against evil. we can guard ourselves with truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation, but to fight evil we must carry the sword of the Spirit. we need the word of God written on our hearts and minds, thus we meditate on the scriptures. reading God's word regularly keeps our weapons sharp and our swords ready.
it is with this armor that paul encourages us to be bold.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
rejoice
isaiah 62:5 says, "as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so your God rejoices over you." i've yet to be a bride so i can only imagine what it's like to be rejoiced over by a bridegroom. i do think it's something we all long for, though. who doesn't want to be celebrated, desired, chosen, rejoiced over? and one day perhaps i'll know this in an earthly relationship. but even that could not compare to being rejoiced over by God. people fail us. we fail each other. it's part of learning, living and loving. but God never fails. His love is sure and constant and never mistaken. His heart for us never changes. in monty python's words, "and there was much rejoicing... *yay*..."
Sunday, August 06, 2006
ephesians 4:14-16
i felt God speaking directly to me in one of the lessons read at church today. paul writes to the ephesians:
"we must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people's trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. but speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love."
lots of people think lots of different things... and can even use the same bits of information to support their contrasting theories. people used scripture to justify slavery for years and years, and i believe they sincerely thought they were right. now the concept of Biblically supported slavery is completely foreign to us, it goes against our Biblical upbringing. it's hard to believe people could even use scripture to advocate something so wrong.
so how do we guard against being "tossed to and fro?" we draw nearer to God, "speaking the truth in love," which means we have to seek God's truth.
a tenor solo sang one of my favorite songs after we read the passage above. felix mendelssohn's music confirmed what God was calling me to do... "if with all your hearts ye truly seek me, ye shall ever surely find me. 'thus saith our God."
i'm going to lex to do some seeking.
"we must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people's trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. but speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love."
lots of people think lots of different things... and can even use the same bits of information to support their contrasting theories. people used scripture to justify slavery for years and years, and i believe they sincerely thought they were right. now the concept of Biblically supported slavery is completely foreign to us, it goes against our Biblical upbringing. it's hard to believe people could even use scripture to advocate something so wrong.
so how do we guard against being "tossed to and fro?" we draw nearer to God, "speaking the truth in love," which means we have to seek God's truth.
a tenor solo sang one of my favorite songs after we read the passage above. felix mendelssohn's music confirmed what God was calling me to do... "if with all your hearts ye truly seek me, ye shall ever surely find me. 'thus saith our God."
i'm going to lex to do some seeking.
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